SCARLET DIVORCE NEWSLETTER

 Divorce is not a 4 letter word

Divorce is often seen as a personal failing, as a shame that one is branded with.  When you disclose your divorce status, it can feel like you're revealing the Scarlet D that has been burnt into your heart.
You're never quite sure what the reaction will be.  Questions start popping through your mind:  What will people think of me now that they know I'm divorced?  Will they blame me or think that I'm weak and
flake-y because I got divorced?  Will men still want to date me?

Every time you fill out medical forms, insurance applications, employee paperwork and the like, you are asked to identify yourself as single, married, divorced or widowed.  It can feel like you're being marked as
a loser in love.  I'm unsure what difference it makes for one to denote that they are single or divorced but it can feel like a humiliation and a reminder of the end of your marriage.

Today, I'd like to challenge you to reflect on your feelings about being divorced.  After talking to several hundred women about their divorces, I was at first relieved to realize that I wasn't the only one feeling like a huge, fat failure.  Then, I became saddened that we were all suffering with a poor self image and were defining ourselves by the current view of who a divorcee is.  

I started talking to these women and found that regardless of why the marriage ended or who ultimately proclaimed they wanted a divorce, going through a divorce does not have to be a life sentence of despair
and shame.  What I found under the embarrassment of these divorced women was a dedication to protecting and nurturing their souls.  Most of the divorced women readily admitted that they did everything they could think of to salvage their marriage but when it became unsalvageable, they found the courage to rebuild their lives.  In doing so, they have proven their strength, their resiliency, and their
independence.  

I choose to cast aside low self esteem and embrace my Scarlet D as a badge of honor.  When I did this, most of the people that I started to tell of my divorce began to also see me as a brave woman dedicated to
having a fulfilling life even if that meant leaving a marriage that no longer made me happy.  The most fun I had with this new attitude came when I was changing my name.  Every company I called to inform them of my name change automatically assumed I was getting married and offered me a heartfelt congratulations and asked when I tied the knot.  I would laugh good naturedly and tell them that I was in fact divorced and was resuming my maiden name but that I was still happy to accept their congratulations.  Realizing their awkward mistake, the customer service reps were relieved that I was not insulted.  Several gave me additional congratulations and wishes of good luck and some even told me of their own divorces.  

I hope that you join me in shedding the image of the divorcee that society has conjured up and instead help me spread the view that today's divorced women are smart, talented and are dedicated to living their best life.